Well it looks like old habits die hard, or never at all. Ok well i'm going to try to feign shock and surprise, ok here it comes, oh no didn't work. Well what can ya do? This is TJ, not caring anymore, Ciao folks

I'm still hurting

yo yo yo,
Ok so this entry is gonna come off as a plea for forgiveness for ruining someones night last night (you know who) and it almost is, but i took your advice. Happiness IS a state of mind that can be worked for. I hyped myself up for every upcoming second and thought about all the great things in my life, like a boyfriend who loves me more than anything in the world and and i love just as much, for a boyfriend who is always full of good advice, and is just so damn wonderful (and HOT) that, even if i were a master of the language, words couldnt even encompass. Thank you for making my life more fun to live, i love you

ok well i think enough time has passed and people have pretty much forgotten this journal existed. Meaning, its safe to write here unhampered again. So obviously thousand and one things going on, and of course i'm concentrating on them instead of schoolwork. Lets see, Drew. Yeah what to say? I think he likes me, but sometimes he really gets to me , but i also know how stubborn he is so i try to keep my mouth shut instead of saying anything else b/c i know with my short temper these days i'd end up telling him something mean like fuck off or i'll kill you. Or something to that effect. So yeah i don't know whats going on with him, when were together we hold hands and stuff so its kinda like were dating, but who knows? I hate it when things are up in the air like that. Whose next? Ray i think. I do love him but me and him clash sometimes. And of course being the stubborn queens we are we will just hang up on eachother. Ray also has this knack to tell me exactly what i dont want to hear or tell myself about myself. He's always there to rip my many flaws violently to the surface. We fight sometimes yeah, but we also love eachother. I do hope everything with Joe and him works out well, he deserves to be happy. Now whose next? Sean? yeah the state of our relationship is a joke, and yeah i'm taking some blame for it. But it is on him as well, he stopped talking to me as much as i stopped talkng to him. He just makes me mad, i mean he claims to be all high allmighty and more mature than his age, and he screams like a madwoman on the bus and throws shit nthe bus, whast that all about? I guess new guys Brandon Thorp is next. Cute, ridiculously intelligent, spares me more than three lines in an e-mail. But also friends with Lucy. And i know she is Ray's best friend and all, but god damn it i didn't do anything to her? like what the fuck man i never once said anything bad about her and i used to think that we got along well. Oh well whatever, who knows after Ray told her about me talking to Brandon she took upon herself to talk to him about me. I can't wait to hear what she said, if i ever talk to Brandon again. hrmph Lovitz is next. Been thinking bout him a lot lately for some reason, probably cause he (at my behest) unblocked my main sn and i see him on all the time. Its hard, especially when i know he's blowing me off, or when he doesnt talk to me at all lol. i think that completes the boys section, no one else i can think of although i'm sure there islike 17 billion other boys out there who hate me and i don't know bout. But then again, who cares? Yeah i don't know if i really wanna even get into the Drama drama. Lets see got straight goods at districts (yay) and embarrassed myself, then i got another shit part in the school show. But i mean would it really be a BA show if i didnt get a shit part? of course not. Yeah well i don't even need to get into how i feel about that (Philip and Nikhil got the leads) but i will say this, i'm tired of people mocking this. This is what my life is going to be and no one takes it seriously that this was a major blow to me. I tell people and they are like not sympathetic at all. Which i know is a problem, i expect too much sympathy from people. All i want them to do is take me seriously, this hurts a lot. Hmm failing math and spanish. Yay my first grades ever below a c, good bye NYU hello BCC. Now i understand the math one like i'm never gonna figure it out, but the fucking foreign language??? I ALWAYS think i'm doing good on the tests and then i get d's So yeah fun times, these bad grades coupled with my shitty work ethic equal TJ being a bad student. Fun times. My temper is extremely short these days. I blow up at the simplest things and am constantly irratible. I yell at people and am constantly tearing them new assholes. I dont think this is a good thing. Ok i'm feeling a bit empty right now, so i'm gonna go read a book (not the one i should be studying) and maybe i'll update again soon.

umm by they way, if anyone still reads, stop, everything is on private now, so its kinda like a real journal now.

ok wel i'll up date in detail later, but thursday was awful, lesley and brian ended up getting shitfaced, lesley was barfng her guts up all over keira's room. I ended up playing baby sitter all night. Didnt get to see a movie, and didnt get to go ice skating. Friday was better worked 2-10, it was DEAD. I mean literally one car an hour in DT. So good times, brian picked me up after work and teook me out to see T3, his treat as a re payment for thursday night. It was really really really good, i enjoyed it much. Then we go to tgo to steak and shake (mom actually let me) and didnt get home till 1:30 in the morning. As fun as it was i was regretting it today when i had to wake up at 7:20 lol. So 8-4 today, 9-5 tomorrow. Then the weeekends over, thank god. More later, sleep now.

ok well its getting a bit late dont know if i'll be able to update. Missed last night. Umm today 12-4 a few things happened that could be defined as eventful. Christians friend JAy thought i was cute so he talked to me. That sucked major balls, i really didnt wanna talk to anyone new for a while. Hell for years. But whatever, we talked. Or shall i say i talked. He didnt really do much except listen, which is ok, but would never work for more than an aquaintance. I need someone who can throw stuff back at me when i tell them a story or something. Well i thought i could put that little part of my life to the back of my head for a few days and not deal with it, but guess who showed up at work today? Jay, to see me. Today i was even less in the mood but i talked. He called me and asked if i wanted to go to a movie, i couldnt just say no. Didnt end up going. But i'm gonna need to eventualy grow some balls and tell him that i dont want a relationship at all right now or for a while. Ok yesterday was pretty much boring besides that, had a little fight with mom, had a singing lesson (which i felt went really well) i'm getting a lot more comfortable and i can usually hit stuff (even int he lower medium) on my first try, then came home and hung out at brians for a while. I was supposed to spend then the night tonight i think, but he ended up making plans so that was a no go. Instead i went and saw legally blonde 2. It was pretty good, went by myself. I sat kinda close (int he crappy weston 8 theatre) so now i have a small headache behind my eyes. Lets see what else today, 12 -4,oh and then the big exciting part of the day. Guess who drove up to my window? Well everytime i say guess who its quite obvious who it is (atleast to Nan) yes im sure u all guessed it, and if u didnt sorry. Well he drives up to my window and is just happy as a daisy, asked me how i was, told him i was crappy, and he tells me to IM him sometime and tell him all about it. Well i get home today after the movies, and guess whose online? yep. But seriously, i'm not gonna Im him, when has he ever given two shits about my problem? Well he IM's me and asks me whats wrong, i told him i was in a funk. We talked a little, one guy that he liked a lot and blew the world off for ended up not being incredible as he thought he was, *tea * oh wait not crying, laughing. i Know i'm a dick whatever. So we talked for a little while longer, but i kinda sorta wish he'd stop tlaking to me or something, he's one of the very few people who can "stir my ashes" when it comes to feeling something for someone. For some reason i just cant stomp out what i feel for him. Its easy when he's not around and i dont communicate with him, but the second we start talking again it comes back. I dont know why i cant get this to go the hell away. Oh well, we talked, he left. It was an...interesting conversation. I'd type more about it, but not so much in the mood. I have tomorrow off, yay. I'm probably gonna end up just bumming around the house all day, reading or something. I'm a but pissed, christine is having a party for 4 of july on friday, i'd really like to go but i have to work 2-10. But i'm kissing the boss's ass, so gotta make the sacrifice. And of course, must indulge my personality and play the martyr. Some people are really annoying and wont go the hell away. I dont know what to do about Jay, and i dont know what to do about * you know who. Oh well, drama has been long over due in my life. Its been a while. We'll see how everything turns out. Maybe if i just close my eyes and ignore everything except work my life will go back to work work work read work work work read. I like it like that. Maybe not. Soon enough i'll see.
TJ

Ok yeah very pissed off. But before i begin ranting a raving, let me say a few things. Now i know everything i say is gonna sound very snide and sarcastic, and that i am tyring to hurt and offend someone (you know who you are), but i honestly sincerely mean it. First off i am sorry if i have offended anyone who has read my journal, and i apologize if i come off as having a superior attitude. But now its time for my opinions. First off, dont presume. Something i have always hated about people in general. if u dont have all the facts then get them all before u open ur trap. Secondly, i dont have a superior attitude. and if i did i would freely admit it. If i had a superior attitude i wouldnt even be fricking working at mcdonalds right now, but truth be told i'm actually friend with the people there. Hell i might even be going on a trip to orlando with a friend i made there. I consider most of the peopel there friends. And the people who i choose not to like or make mean comments about, its not cause i consider myself more human or a better person, but more often than not they dont like me. If its wrong for me to dislike mike p for hating faggots and me in general, then someone please tell me. And having a superior attitude and pushing people away have nothing to do with eachother. Period paragraph. So what if i am pushing people away? dont PRESUME i do it because i see myself as superior. get ur facts straight and then get in my face. Fact of the matter is maybe i am pushing people away, but its not because i think i'm better than anyone, the journal entry also made specific mention that i dont feel like i connect with many people anymore. Gee maybe thats the reason? Now before i either continue or just end this entry, let it be know that this journal entry is not meant to be offensive in any way. TO ANYONE. and that includes every single person on the planet that i know, excluding NO ONE! if/ when anyone reads this, do not take it personally and be offended. These are simply my feelings adn thoughts. Ok now on to my day. 2-10. 8 hours not bad. Hopefully a good check. Christians friend Jay talked to me today, she said he thought i was cute, which was definetly a compliment. (a joke anyone would have to see me in my uniform to get ) Umm i tried talking to him for a few minutes but there were a few problems. It was busy, its hard to start talking to someone who u know might kinda like u when its busy, and i never do well in those kind of situations. i'm always very easily caught off guard with this kind of thing. So he said he'd be coming back another day, i'm sure i'll get the skinny from christian tomorrow. Inspection tomorrow, which meant big time cleaning. Made even better friends with becky today, i love her so much. She started crying when her granddaughter called, i didnt know what to do. I have her a hug. Shelia is pissed at karen, i'm sure they will both be over it tomorrow. I have these two girls my number, they were scary, but it was still flattering. Got in a bit of a tiff online. I'm sure the reprecussions of which will be felt for days to come. Lovelife : as always thankfully, inactive. Thats all for now.
TJ

Ok Jesus christ i worked 14 hours today. Ouch. 9 to 11. It was horrible, especially at like 7:00 when we were short i dont know how many people, but there ended up only being like 5 of us. EVERYTHING was crazy, i was doing run, present, front counter back up, while there was onle like one or two people in the grill. Not good times at all. Then evelyn (i hate her btw) left and then there were 4. Even more not fun. But her 14 hours, thats good moola. And all i care bouts it moola. SO yeah 14 hours was pretty much my entire day, i mean literally, woke up went to work at 9 didnt get home till bout 11:20. Now i'm just singing and reading, again, like i do every night, big loser i know. Oh well i enjoy myself. No one is really online, and the people that are really arent very interesting at all. Mike lent me three books today. Two comics and a Wizard. I cant decide what i think about him, he's so much smarter than me, and i dont get most of his references, but i laugh and joke with him anyway, but it makes me feel dumb, not a good or familiar feeling at all. Oh well, Karen got shitfaced last night. That was the biggest riot in the world. She was telling me how she was puking all over the place. Diane and Christian were bitchy today , not fun, but hey at least i didnt have to work grill. Jaqui is here right now. I really would like to talk to her away from jennifer for like 5 minutes and she could see i'm not just the dorky little brother, that i can be friends with older people. It makes me so mad cause jennifer is all buddy buddy with fcking tommy. I hate him so much. I think i hate him because i am so jealous of him though. I mean he was the king of middle school, and now that he's back down here i'm sure he'll be the king of western. Although i will say he is really gorgeous. I mean i would totally do him any day. He's got an amazing body cause he used to play little league and everything, and just had the most gorgeous face. Really sucks, a gorgeous asshole. Well my bf who really doesnt know he;s my bf came to mcdonalds today lol. I love him being a regular lol. I have never talked to him, but one day i will, he's really cute and looks so normal and not like a big flaming queen like i am. He looks older, which is always a huge plus for me, especially if he doesnt like me back! ha! Jackie knows him, i asked her to talk to him for me. We'll see, thinking bout it now i'd actually rather just keep looking at him and not talk to him. I'm still totally devoid of any desire to have a relationship. Good or bad thing? hmm. Tomorrow 2 to 9. Only 7 hours, such a weird shift. I finally figured out the pay week, hopefully my check will be big. More money to spend on me! woo hoo
Teegarino

Today was very eh. Woek 8 to 4. Surprisingly enough, not a very bad shift. Seemed to go by very fast, i think thats cause Tamara was my runner and not Diane. I think tamara may have actually been a bit mad at me for a while about the entire chris (have my babies) thing. But she got over it, at least it seemed like it did. Then her and Karen started bitching at eachtother and Tamara walked out of the store pised off and mad, while karen made comments about how she should be friends with Tamra anymore. Depressing. But i made better friends with Becky so yay. Inspection is on Tuesday, wonder how that'll go, i dont really care what we get as long as i dont get in trouble. Yes thats me, always looking ou for myself. Tomorrow 9-5. Not too bad, get to wake up an hour later, which will be a godsent. I dont know about my money situation, mom said she'd pay for the lesson on tuesday but i feel bad and also i dont have my music rdy for it. Not cool either. I got a nice extra four hours of sleep today a while after i came home from work , so i'm feeling quite rested. Its been years since i've taken a nap. Also Kenny is leaving tomorrow for Ocala ntil Tuesday, yay. Although i dont know why i am happy about it, i mean its not like i'm gonna have a party or do anything completely out of the ordinary. I mean i could go and get drunk or soemthing, but a) i dont get drunk lol and b) i'll probably be the big loser that i tend to be these days keep my comp on, read a book, and eat until i go to sleep. Looking forward to an exciting day. Side Note: I love christian. And a small note about the love life, continuing as lifeless as before. And shcokingly enough i still find myself not bothered by this at all. Talked to adam for while, we had our *normal* conversations. Good times, i miss him.Hmm i work the grill tomorrow, exciting, i just dont want Paul there. Thats all for now, boring day.
Teeg McGeeg

Well its been eons since i updated, and i dont suppose anyone reads anymore but i feel like writing. The only reason i hate writing in this thing is because i always end up bitching, and i always bitch about stupid 16 year old things, and if there is one thing i hate its being a cliche. Oh well , i gaurentee by the end of this entry everything is say is gonna sound like a quintessential 16 begging for attention and crying about depression of some sort or another. Oh well. Today had its ups and downs. I worked from 2 to 6, and for some reason they seemed be the longest four hours of my life. Everyone at work was pissing me off, i fricking gave 100 dollars of my paycheck to Sheila because she needed the extra money. 100 DOLLARS! thats a lot of money, and she doesnt even have the decency to give me and honest sincere thank u. Bitch. THEN eric puts me on fucking fries, and of course lobby and puts the retard camilo in drive thru. Well he didnt last long there, but of course he then put mike p in the hole. Mike p is a dick and i hope burns in hell. and then of course he had to bitch to eric about the fries not being rdy, mind u this is the first time its happened today, and he blows it out of proportion and eric gets on my ass about how we have been constantly running out of fries, apparently i'm stretching myself too thin. Assholes. I'm the best employee in that damn place. The feeling of foreverness today may have been due to the fact that i stayed up until about 6 or 7 in the morning at Brians playing games. Stupid would keep telling me i could play then wouldnt let me. Oh well, i slept a few hours and surprisingly enough i'm not that tired now. Ok well on to the inevitable discussion of TJ's love life. Well lets just say i'm quite a bit happy that i dont have one right now. I mean i am still lusting after a few people right now, but i have no real desire to talk to anyone about much of anything, i dont feel like i connect very well with anyone right now only cause of people always being defensive and self centered. Every comment i utter has some reprecussions from one fag or another somewhere in the community no matter what my intent was with the comment. Yeah so the only person i can talk to right now is Nan and she is pretty much the only person i am talking to. Surprisingly enough i'm not mad or pissed off at anyone for not giving me attention (well i guess there is a first for everything) i mean every once and a while i hope that someone will notice that i give one worded answers to everything and that i dont talk about anything anymore, i barely talk at all, hmm i guess that is somewhat a cliche 16 year old cry for attention. I can deal with that i guess. But a lot of the time now i dont care anymore. No one meshes/connects well enough with me to anymore. No one is ever intersting anymore. The highlight of today was going to the movies. What made this such a highlight was that i went by myself. I am finiding lately that i enjoy my own company a lot. The other day i went to the mal by myself and just walked around munching on a pretzel. It was a surprisingly good time, no one to bother with, no constant need to make conversation. I'm think becomng more selfish. Oh well, not necessarily a bad thing. SO the movie was good, i was a bit annoyed with some of the special effects, some of them were pushed a bit too far i think but oh well. I loved the first one and i guess i loved this one too, compared to many movies i've seen this was amazing. And for some reason i cant put my finger on (i'm a flaming homosexual) i just love cameron diaz, lucy liu, and drew barrymore. So good movie, and solitude, could life get any better? Answer: Yes. Working ay 8 in the morning. SO i must be off to bed, i can already hear mcdonalds calling to me. Oh wait no that was this morning when i woke up at about 7 in brians room and tried to ring up a big mac on his computer heh. good times. maybe i'll get back into a routine of updating, maybe not
Teeg

i just cut myself quite a bit tonight, its very conspicuous, hope mom doesnt find it

ok yeah now everything officially sucks now, fuck the world.

You're Belle!

You are a true bookworm and dream of a life better
than the simple, quiet one you lead now. Your
good looks can attract the town jerks, but you
manage to ignore them most of the time.
Sometimes you feel like you're surrounded by
idiots. So what are you waiting for? You don't
need your father to be kidnapped to get out and
see the world. Although you can be stubborn,
you're also very compassionate and see beyond
people's façades.


Which Disney princess are you ?
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You Are Princess Aurora!


What Fucked Up Disney Princess Are you?
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if u abuse friend they will leave

i have an overwhelming sense of.....emptiness

I'm beginning to wonder if i am the only person on the PLANET who can multi task!

TODAY IS MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

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